Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
