I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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