try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
