Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
