i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
