Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
