Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
