I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
