We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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