i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
