I just pynch a tree in the face
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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