All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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