One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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