he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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