Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
