so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
