I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
