I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
