we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
