I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found puke in my bra..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
