how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
