weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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