i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
