apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
