I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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