There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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