Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
