she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
