I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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