Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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