eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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