She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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