Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
bring money and cleavage
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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