I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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