It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
