What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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