so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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