I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
