this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
