I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
