Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
