I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
