and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
two words...techno handjob
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
