don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
