Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
