can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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