Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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