He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
