best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
