talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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