Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
