I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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