You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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